Cheating is a choice. Regardless of the circumstances, betraying your partner by getting sexually involved with someone else in a supposed exclusive relationship is a choice.
Trying to change a cheater is a big mistake because they will keep making that choice. It’s an act of selfishness. In that moment, they care about no one else but themselves. All the love they claim to have for you is not enough to make them honor their commitment to you.
Here are reasons why cheaters never change.
1. The Inherent Nature of Selfishness
The first reason is that they are very selfish. Selfish people don't think about you. Your cheating partner doesn't really care about you, so they aren't going to change anytime soon. They aren't ready to consider others' feelings or how their actions affect them.
You probably think they're going to change because you're special to them or because they're in a relationship with you, but selfish people couldn't care less. No matter who you are to them, they won't consider your feelings. The only way they would change is if they stopped being selfish, and I don't think that's possible because being selfish isn't something people drop just like that. They will always put themselves first, regardless of who is involved.
2. The Constant Availability of Willing Participants
There will always be someone for them to cheat with; that's the reality. There will always be someone ready and willing to indulge your cheating partner. Many people don't care whether your partner is in a relationship; they would be happy to get into bed with them.
For someone used to having their way, that's an opportunity they will jump at. Unless everyone in the world agrees to stop enabling cheaters and hooking up with people in relationships, which is never going to happen, the opportunity will exist.
You can't lock them up at home or follow them around 24/7 to keep an eye on them. They will go about their lives and do whatever they want. As long as there is someone willing to enable them, there's a high chance they will seize the opportunity, hoping you never find out. Often, they just get better at covering their tracks, so you think they've changed when they haven't.
3. The Cycle of Forgiveness and Enablement
They know that their partners will always forgive them. Have you ever forgiven a cheating partner? As long as cheaters know that when they apologize, their partners will take them back, they will continue to cheat because they get away with it at the end of the day. This is one reason cheaters have the most faithful partners.
If you know that you can do something, and this person will get over it as long as you keep apologizing, would you really stop? Probably not. By taking them back, you are enabling bad behavior. I don't blame people who call it quits once a partner cheats because they understand that once a partner goes down that road, they will always go back.
It takes a miracle for a cheater to stop. You have to look out for yourself, especially if you notice any signs that they are cheating on you.
4. A Lack of Self-Discipline
Cheating is easy. People who aren’t disciplined always choose the easy option. Humans are sexual beings, so it’s normal to feel horny. But it takes a lot of discipline to control your urges, especially in a committed relationship.
Giving in to those urges indicates a lack of self-control, an attribute that isn’t formed overnight. Self-control is built through deliberate effort and a willpower not to indulge in acts that harm yourself or those around you. As the partner of a cheater, you can’t cultivate discipline in them. It’s something they have to do on their own.
I understand that cheating isn't a deal-breaker for some people, and that’s their choice. But if it is a deal-breaker for you, taking back a cheating partner is simply enabling them to continue. If they cheated on you once, they will most likely do it again. Do you think cheaters can change?