Good people usually finish last. As unfair as that may sound, it’s often true. The world is ruthless. To thrive, you need to be able to make decisions that serve you, because most people are doing just that. They will go to any length to protect their own interests, even if it means walking all over you. A good person may struggle because they are at a crossroads between selfishness and selflessness.
Here’s how to be heartless and protect yourself from hurt.
1. Master the Art of Selfishness
When you are very selfish, you leave very little room for nonsense. You leave no room for others, especially men, to take advantage of you. Let's face it: a lot of men are selfish, especially when they are in a relationship. They are always looking out for themselves, so who says you shouldn't be selfish as a woman just because you're in a relationship?
You have to learn the art of selfishness because when you always put yourself first, there's little room for a man to break your heart. First, you would always be looking out for yourself and for what works best for you. When you have that mindset, heartbreak will be far from you because you wouldn't do anything that doesn't serve you well.
2. Relinquish All Expectations of Others
You get yourself worked up and your heart broken because you always expect things from others. You have specific expectations for men, and when they don’t meet them, you get hurt. How about trying something different? Don't expect anything whatsoever; just go with the flow.
When you expect things from men, you're setting yourself up for disaster because they will always disappoint you. Humans aren't wired to please you. You need to understand that every man will always look out for himself first; he will do what's right for him, not what's right for you. If you don't want to be disappointed, you need to stop setting unrealistic expectations and focus on making yourself happy.
3. Learn the Power of Saying "No"
Say no to things that don’t serve you or benefit you. You're probably used to saying yes to everything because you want to do right by your man and make him feel satisfied. But you're only setting yourself up to be taken advantage of.
Stop saying yes to everything. You need to start saying no, especially when what he's asking doesn't serve you well, or you're not gaining anything from it. It's not difficult; you're not going to die or get sick just because you said no to a request.
Practice it in front of the mirror if needed. To be selfish, you have to say a lot of "no's." When he asks you to do things you're not comfortable with, just say no and keep it moving. That way, you’ll become more confident in protecting yourself from unnecessary baggage.
4. Operate Strictly on Your Own Terms
Shouldn't you be doing things on your own terms? Nobody has the right to force you to do anything; it's your life. Even in a relationship, you should call the shots. If it doesn't serve you well or you aren't comfortable with it, don't do it.
When you do things on your own terms, even if they don’t turn out well, you won't be too hurt because you chose to do them in the first place. You can take responsibility for it. However, when you're doing stuff just because someone is guilt-tripping you into it, you'll be even angrier if it doesn't work out. You’ll be upset for agreeing to do it in the first place. Learn to do things on your own terms, and you'll save yourself from a whole lot of heartbreak.
5. Refuse to Entertain Excuses
Men are very good at making excuses, but you're not going to entertain them. The more you entertain excuses from a man, the more room you give him to hurt you. Actions speak louder than words. Don't listen to what people say; a man will say anything just to have his way with you.
Stop listening to his excuses. If he's not delivering on what he said he would, take a walk. If he can't meet your standards, it's his loss. You don’t have to make excuses for him. Either he's not the one for you, or he's not ready to be serious. If he took you seriously, he would go the extra mile to avoid unnecessary excuses. To protect yourself, you need to stop entertaining irrelevant excuses.
To be heartless and protect yourself, you need to be selfish, drop your expectations, say no to things that don't serve you, do things on your own terms, and stop entertaining excuses. When people take you seriously, they don't give you excuses. Putting yourself first never goes out of style. You’ll always be glad you did.