Going out with someone for the very first time can be exciting. You don’t know this person or what they are like. You don’t know if you like their personality, and you don’t even know if they would like your own personality. All these thoughts will naturally make you nervous.
On a first date, there are no guarantees. You’re not sure if that date will lead to many other dates or if it will be the last. But whatever the case, you don’t want to be the reason why your first date isn’t successful. Here are things to avoid.
1. Don’t Get too Personal
First dates are about getting acquainted. You want to know so much about them so you can tell what kind of person they are. But here is the thing: this is just a first date. There’s no guarantee that you’ll have more dates with this person.
What if at the end of the day, you guys don’t end up together? What’s going to happen? This person will walk away with all the personal information you have shared with them. Will you feel comfortable knowing that such information is with this person? If not, you need to play it safe.
Don’t say unnecessary things. Before you say anything, ask yourself, is this relevant? Does this contribute to the conversation positively? If it doesn’t, you’re better off keeping your mouth shut.
Divulging too much information tends to make you vulnerable, and vulnerability can be likened to neediness, especially as you’re trying to get to know this person. You don’t want them to think that you’re needy or clingy. If you feel the urge to say something and you don’t know how to control it, drink some water; that should help in calming your nerves.
2. Don’t be Rude to Staff and Other People Around
Some people think that being nasty to staff at their date location makes them look confident. Newsflash: there’s nothing confident about being nasty. The fact that the staff is attending to you doesn’t give you the right to talk down to them or treat them like trash.
Treat people with respect, regardless of who they are or what they do. Don’t mistreat people just because you think you’re better than them. You might be on your best behaviour with your date, but they could be observing how you relate to the people around. If you’re nasty to staff, you’re indirectly telling your date that you’re a terrible person.
Nobody wants to be with a disrespectful or rude person who belittles others. If you want to make a lasting impression, drop the attitude. Be nice. Don’t fake it. Be nice because you actually are nice, not because you’re putting up an act. When you’re friendly with the staff and other people around you, your date will find you more likable.
Being friendly is attractive. It tells your date that they’re safe with you. People respect those who respect others, and they naturally detest disrespectful people.
3. Don’t Talk About Your Ex
Exes are part of our history, and we can’t talk about our lives without acknowledging that. But you need to know when to talk about your ex and when not to. You can’t afford to bring your ex into the picture on a first date. If you’re on a date with someone, it means you want to move on and leave the past behind. Talking about your ex is a total turn-off. You might talk about your ex in a bad light or a good light, but neither is good.
If you talk badly about your ex, it shows you’re not over them. If you speak highly of them, you’re indirectly setting a standard and making comparisons. Either way, it puts your date in an awkward position and says a lot about you. If your ex was that great, why aren’t you with them? If the topic comes up accidentally, address it briefly and move on. You didn’t come on a date to talk about your ex. You came to move forward.
4. Don’t Come on too Strong
This can be tricky, especially if you like the person. You want to show interest without overwhelming them. Coming on too strong can be misinterpreted as desperation, and desperation is unattractive. Take it slow. Go with the flow.
Enjoy the moment. Immerse yourself in the conversation. Be laid back. Interestingly, you’re at your best when you’re laid back because then, you aren’t trying too hard to impress anyone.
If you’re meant to be together, it will happen naturally. Smile, laugh, and engage, but keep your calm. Let the feeling be mutual. A little mystery keeps things exciting. If everything is obvious too early, it kills the excitement. It’s just the first date. Resist the urge to want to know everything about your date in that sitting. Otherwise, you will turn the date into an interview, bombarding them with questions. There will be other dates to ask them more questions and find out everything you want to know.
5. Don’t Refuse to Pay Your Part of the Bill
Don’t be a freeloader. It’s the 21st century. Whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s common practice to go Dutch on a first date. When it’s time to pay, reach for your wallet or card and be ready to pay your part.
You don’t want to give your date the impression that you’re a liability. Nobody wants to date a man who doesn't work nor a woman who doesn't work. This isn’t the time to sit back and wait for someone else to pay. If your date insists on covering the bill, that’s fine, but at least you tried. Always come prepared and ready to pay your share.
Remember, a first date is all about making lasting first impressions. Put your best foot forward. Be the best you can be. Think of it as your opportunity to make an impression. If you give it your best, you’ll walk away knowing you did your part.