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You probably have a long list of expectations for the person you want to date, and if they don't meet them, they don't even stand a chance. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. You need standards because if you don't have them, you'll take anything that comes your way.
But the question is, are your standards realistic? Would you date yourself if you were someone else? Would you date someone like you? And if you can't confidently answer that question with a yes, there's a problem. It means your standards are unrealistic, so you are deceiving yourself.
Here are 7 reasons why you are single with no date
1. Wanting Someone Attractive Without Taking Care of Yourself
If you ask a lot of people, they will tell you they want to date someone attractive, someone who looks really good. When that person walks into the room, they command all the attention. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. Everybody wants to date someone attractive. I would love to date someone attractive, too. Who wouldn't want that?
But the question is, are you attractive? And this is not even about having good looks. Nobody is ugly. You are as good-looking as you take care of yourself. So this person takes good care of themselves. They have a great body and are in good shape. Everything about them is perfect.
But you forget that what you like about them didn't happen by chance. They have been intentional about their appearance. Ordinarily, that might not be the case, but because they have put in so much work, it is working for them. And you're over there not paying attention to yourself. You couldn't care less about how you look, about your appearance. You're so scruffy and untidy, and you're wishing you could date someone like them. How realistic is that?
If they are putting in so much work to look attractive, you better believe they want to be with someone who is doing the same, someone who is putting in so much work into their appearance. You don't expect them to settle for less, to settle for you.
2. Wanting Someone Fun While Being Boring
A lot of people want to date someone fun. Having a fun person around you means there will be no dull moments. Time spent together will be interesting. You guys would play around, jump around, and just do crazy stuff together.
But are you fun? That is the question. You see, such a fun person would naturally want to be with a fun person, too. If you want something, you have to be ready to bring that thing to the table. That is how it works.
You don't keep dreaming about being with someone fun while you yourself aren't fun. And it's okay not to be fun, but what are you doing about it? Are you complacent about the situation? Are you okay with being boring? Being boring isn't cool. Nobody wants to be with a boring person.
If you want to be in a fun relationship with a fun person, you need to start learning to be fun. Because one person doing all the work to keep a relationship fun and exciting gets tiring at some point. Yes, because that one person would be giving so much that at a point they will be so drained they will have nothing left in them to give.
3. Wanting Someone Inspiring While Being Pessimistic
You want to date someone inspiring, someone who always has the right things to say when you are down. Someone who can motivate you and bring the best out of you.
But are you inspiring? You want to be with that kind of person, but that kind of person also needs someone to inspire them. They do a good job of inspiring other people, but it would be nice to have someone inspire them, too. That's how it works.
If you are always pessimistic, always expecting the worst, why would an optimistic person want you? If you want someone to motivate you, inspire you, and make you reach your full potential, you have to be ready and prepared to offer the same.
4. Wanting Someone Successful Without Being Successful
You want to date someone successful. Everybody wants to date someone successful. But how successful are you? Are you successful? You're not sure. Well, that's the problem.
If you're not successful yet, how about you look out for someone who is hardworking and has potential? That is a more realistic way to go about it.
5. Wanting Someone Trustworthy Without Being Trustworthy
You want to date someone who is trustworthy, reliable and has your back. But the question is, are you trustworthy?
Most of the time, when people want to be with trustworthy people, they themselves are not trustworthy. Seeking someone trustworthy when you aren't trustworthy yourself sets you up for failure.
Being trustworthy means being reliable. Let your yes be your yes. People should be able to hold you to your word. That is what it means.
6. Wanting Someone Educated Without Being Educated
You want to date someone who is well-educated. That's okay, but are you well educated? Do you have a college degree? Why do you want to date someone who is well educated when you don't have that education yourself?
That educated person also wants to date someone well-educated. When you seek what you have, you can retain your power. When you seek what you don't have, you set yourself up for imbalance.
7. Wanting a Ride or Die Without Making Sacrifices
You want to date someone who would be your ride-or-die, someone who would always be there, come rain or shine. That's cool, but are you willing to be that person?
Being a ride-or-die isn't about being perfect. It's about sacrifice. You're expecting someone else to be your ride-or-die, giving everything up for you, but you're not even sure you can make the smallest sacrifices for them. Come on, you're not being realistic.
Again, I ask you, would you date yourself? Look at yourself in the mirror. Take a moment to step out of yourself. Take a look at that checklist you have created. Do you tick every box? Do you tick most of the boxes, or perhaps you don't tick any?
If you can't offer it, don't demand it. If you don't have it, don't expect someone else to have it. Aspire for the best, but ensure that you are also qualified and eligible.