Infidelity can be your worst nightmare. One moment, you're living life with the person you love so much, the one you've envisioned spending forever with. Now, they've cheated on you, breaking your trust and everything you believe in. You didn't ask for this, but here you are, second-guessing everything you’ve ever known.
The “forever” you wanted with this person is gone. You don’t even know if you’ll still be with them by tomorrow. You’re searching for answers to mend your broken heart, wondering if this is the end.
As much as you want this relationship to survive, you're not sure it will. Here’s how to find out if your relationship can overcome their infidelity.
1. Check for Genuine Remorse
Whether your relationship can survive their cheating depends on both of you. Since you're reading this, you’re likely open to the possibility of surviving their betrayal. The question now is whether your partner feels genuine remorse. Have they taken true responsibility for hurting you?
It's important to determine whether your partner is truly remorseful or merely afraid of the consequences of losing you. People stay in relationships for different reasons, such as a fear of being alone or for personal benefits.
This doesn’t necessarily mean they truly care about you. If they are truly remorseful, there’s a small chance of survival. But if they are only scared of losing you, it may not work.
2. Assess Past Patterns of Cheating
While some argue there’s no justification for cheating even once, others suggest that humans are fallible. If they cheated only once, you might gamble on them not repeating it. However, if it has happened before, it’s a clear pattern that they will do it again.
You get to know a person's true character by their patterns. They may claim it was a mistake the first time, but what about the subsequent times? If people get away with everything in the name of "mistakes," the world would be chaotic.
If your partner has cheated more than once, saving the relationship would come at your own detriment. It cannot survive, and staying would be a great disservice to yourself.
3. Understand Why the Infidelity Happened
Figuring out why the infidelity happened isn't about assigning blame to you. To be clear, their infidelity had nothing to do with you. They made that decision independently, so don’t blame yourself for a second. It’s, however, important to understand the cause if you are considering saving the relationship.
There are several reasons people cheat, including sexual dissatisfaction, conflict avoidance, or a need for external validation. Your partner should be able to tell you categorically why they cheated.
If they can’t give a concrete reason and say it "just happened," there’s a high chance it will happen again. Real change begins when they can articulate the reason and commit to addressing the root cause.
4. Identify Why You Want to Stay
Do you want to stay because you love them or because you're afraid of being alone?
Many people stay with a cheating partner because the thought of being on their own is scary. This is especially true if they feel they won't find love again or don't want to reenter the dating scene.
A cheater may never change. It’s better to be alone than to stay with a partner who keeps cheating on you.
You are better off starting over than choosing an unrepentant partner. Your fear of being alone is normal, but you need to be intentional about shaking it off.
A relationship should be built on companionship and respect. If someone truly loves you, they wouldn't disrespect you in this way.
5. Evaluate Your Ability to Forgive
Someone might decide to stay after infidelity without truly forgiving their partner. In this scenario, they might be staying just to get back at their partner.
If you stay despite the betrayal, ensure you aren't simply weaponizing your partner's mistake. Doing so creates constant negative energy and leaves you bitter and sad.
If you know deep down that you cannot forgive them, you shouldn't be with them. It’s better to end the relationship and move on. Don’t suppress your feelings or pretend you’re okay with the cheating. If you cannot forgive them 100%, you are better off walking away.
6. Examine Their Commitment to Put in the Work
Even if you decide to stay, your partner must do more than promise to be better. Becoming better takes a lot of work, including practicing transparency and honesty.
Are they willing to go to therapy? It's important to speak with a professional to unpack the underlying issues that led to the betrayal.
They might also need to work with you as an accountability partner to address their infidelity.
Walking away from any form of betrayal is often best for your mental health and self-respect. If you stay, remember that you are selling yourself short. Don't be surprised if they later claim they never asked you to stay in the first place.
Watch this YouTube video on whether cheating is a deal-breaker