It can be frustrating to never get a second date after the first, especially if you liked the person. You were hoping to meet them more than once and start a relationship. But that’s not the case because they aren’t interested. What have you done wrong?
You made a first-date mistake that didn’t sit well with them. Read on to find out what exactly that might have been.
1. You Have Too Many Expectations
You need to calm down. It’s just a first date. There are no guarantees. You’re meeting this person for the first time, so keep an open mind.
Don’t show up like you’re going to meet your husband or wife-to-be. There’s no guarantee this person will even be in your life next week, so why are you already thinking about forever? You show up with all these expectations, and as a result, you’re uptight.
You want to know so much about them on that date. You’re not relaxed. Instead of just having fun and enjoying their company, you are overthinking. You’re thinking about the next thing to say, the next question to ask, and you’re constantly on edge.
The date doesn’t flow naturally because you’re on edge. The best first dates are effortless. There has to be a connection, and you can’t have that connection if you’re expecting too much. When you expect too much, you become rigid. You want them to say certain things and react in a certain way, and when they don’t, you feel bad, and it shows.
You might think you’re hiding it, but they see it. Once they pick up that vibe, it kills their own vibe, and the date becomes awkward. Lower your expectations. Better still, don’t have any expectations at all. It’s a first date. Don’t overthink it. Go with the flow. If it turns out well, great. If it doesn’t, there will be other dates. Show up with an open mind and show up to have fun.
2. You Reveal Too Much Information About Yourself
You meet someone for the first time and feel the need to tell them your entire life story. You want them to know everything about you, including personal details that should be kept to yourself, at least for now.
You don’t need to say so much on the first date. When you do, you scare the person away by giving them more information than they can handle. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be yourself, but if being yourself ruins the date, you need to pause.
It’s a first date. You’re meant to make a lasting impression. Going all out, revealing childhood trauma and deeply personal stories, overwhelms people. A first date is an opportunity to get to know each other, and it’s a process. You can’t know each other fully in one meeting.
Ask yourself whether the information is important and necessary right now. If it’s not, keep it to yourself. Talking too much about personal issues can overwhelm someone, and no one wants to repeat that experience. People already have their own troubles. Don’t overwhelm them with yours at the first meeting.
3. You Ask Too Many Questions
It’s a date, not an interview. You need to understand that. Why are you asking so many questions like what’s your favorite color, favorite meal, where were you born, what’s your ambition, and what do you love to do? It becomes too much. Nobody wants to be bombarded with questions on a first date.
The goal is to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Questions should flow naturally on a first date. When the conversation flows, many of those questions get answered without you even having to ask.
You need to relax. When you’re relaxed, things fall into place. When you’re uptight and overly cautious about what to say or ask, the conversation becomes mechanical and rigid.
Some people even come to dates with a list of questions. They start asking one after the other like an interrogation. That isn’t necessary. It’s not an interview. It’s a date. Just have fun and let things flow naturally.
4. You Talk About Your Ex Too Much
There’s no reason to talk about your ex when you’re trying to get to know someone new. Talking about your ex can go two ways. You either speak well of them or badly of them, and neither works in your favor.
If you speak badly about your ex, the person you’re with assumes you’re still hung up on them and that you’ll do the same if things end. That’s not attractive. If you speak too nicely about your ex, it creates the impression that you’re still in love and haven’t moved on.
Either way, it’s counterproductive. Nobody wants to date someone who’s still emotionally attached to their ex. That’s too much baggage. Just leave your ex out of the picture and enjoy the moment. There are plenty of fun things to talk about without bringing them up.
5. You Let the First Date Last Too Long
When a first date drags on, you end up saying more than you need to. The point of a first date is to share interesting things about yourself while holding back some details so the person wants to see you again. Don’t reveal everything at once. There should be some mystery about you.
Hold back some stories and details. You can even start an interesting story and stop halfway so they look forward to hearing the rest next time. Your life is interesting, but you don’t need to tell it all in one sitting.
A first date is just a first date. Getting a second date is a sign of progress. It doesn’t guarantee a relationship, but it means something good is happening. If you practice the points discussed here, you’ll start getting more second dates, and choosing might even become your problem.