My friend, Tonia had been seeing a guy for about three years. They both met during the National Youth Service Scheme (NYSC), as Corps members serving in the same state, Lagos, through mutual friends. After meeting each other a couple of times, through these mutual friends, they exchanged contacts and started chatting on a regular basis. It turned out they had common interests, saw things in the same perspective, and got along, naturally, without trying too hard to fit into each other’s way of life.
He did the asking, and without much hesitation (of course, she did small shakara), she said yes. And they hit it off. Needless to say that they were couple goals as most people admired them and wished for what they had.
When the service year ended, unlike most relationships that started during service, which came to an end, they didn’t call it quits. Based in the same state they served, they continued their lives, without relocating. Luck smiled on them and they both got decent jobs almost at the same time. They were working and dating, happily. And just when she started getting ideas of a possible future for both of them, she got a shocker. Her dear boyfriend broke up with her via BBM. He said he was no longer interested in the relationship. Naturally, she asked for the “why” behind his sudden action, but all she got was a cold silence. He wouldn’t take her calls or return her messages. Efforts to speak with him in person, proved abortive as he always found a way to avoid her. She was heartbroken devastated. And being clueless about what she had done wrong or hadn’t done, made the pain worse.
They say getting closure after a breakup is helpful as it helps one to heal, having known what went wrong or what they did wrong. Some say it helps one to learn from their “mistakes” and avoid falling into such pits in the future. While I see the truth in that logic, what happens when you are denied the privilege? When your so-called ex doesn’t deem it necessary to have that “pep talk” with you for reasons best known to them? Come to think of it, does closure mend what’s already broken? The deed is already done, why make yourself hurt even more by asking questions whose answers no longer hold water?
In my opinion, the only closure one truly needs, is that which they can give to themselves. You were in the relationship, and as such, you can give an honest account of how things went down between you two. Lay the cards on the table and take responsibility for things that you may have done wrong. And if at the end of the day, you are convinced, in all fairness, that you gave it your best shot, then accept things the way they are now. You cannot force someone to give you reasons for their actions when they aren’t ready to. Chasing them up and down for those reasons will only make you look worthless and hurt even more. It’s bad enough that someone has broken up with you, don’t give them the power to treat you worse by begging for answers after a heartbreak. What truly matters at the end of the day, is inner peace. Cry if you want to. Let go of the hurt the best way you know how to (you don’t have to do anything stupid though).
Look out for yourself. And trust me when I say you’ll be fine! If someone doesn’t want you anymore, don’t try to convince them to want you because there’s someone out there, who would give anything to have you. A heartbreak isn’t the end of the world. It could be the beginning of something much better.
Tags:
Relationship