Nobody likes going through a breakup, but it happens. At the end of the day, if a relationship isn’t making progress, someone has to call it quits. If nobody does, both partners will just be wasting each other’s time.
Sometimes a breakup is inevitable, but you don’t want to hurt the other person unnecessarily. How do you reduce the impact? How do you make it less painful for them?
Yes, it will hurt. Yes, it might feel terrible. But if you do it thoughtfully and respectfully, it will be easier for them to get over it and move on. We’re talking about how to break up with your partner like a saint.
Here’s how to break up with your partner in a good way.
1. Do the Breakup in Person
Never break up with your partner over the phone. Never do it over text. Don’t write them a letter. Don’t ask someone else to help you break up with them. That’s not cool. If you’re going to break up with them, the least you can do is show up in person. You might not love them romantically anymore, but it’s fair to believe you still care. Respect them enough to show up and end it yourself. Be a man. Be a woman. Do it yourself.
It’s respectful to look them in the face and tell them you’re no longer interested. Breaking up over text or phone is disrespectful, so don’t do that. If it’s important to you to end the relationship, you have to brace yourself and do it properly. Have that discussion in person. It’s the least you can do if you’re trying to act like the good person you are.
2. Clearly State Your Reasons for the Breakup
Don’t just say, “I’m calling it quits,” and that’s it. If you’re breaking up with them, the least you can do is tell them why. Not explaining your reasons will leave your partner with unanswered questions, which will affect their self-esteem. Moving on will become very difficult because they’ll keep blaming themselves. They’ll think they weren’t good enough for you, and that might not be true.
Breaking up doesn’t mean you’re better than them. It doesn’t mean they weren’t good enough. You might have your reasons, and if those reasons are your truth, they’re valid. But you have to state them. Don’t keep them in the dark. Let them know why you’re calling it quits.
When you do that, you help them see things clearly, and with that clarity, it becomes easier for them to move on after the breakup. If you don’t explain, they’ll keep guessing and assuming things that aren’t true. You’re supposed to be a saint, so state your reasons. It’s the least you can do, especially if you wish them well.
3. Take Responsibility for Your Role in the Relationship
Don’t say it was all your partner’s fault. It takes two to tango. If the relationship isn’t working, there’s a reason, and it can’t be entirely your partner’s fault. You must have played a role, too. If you did something wrong, own it. Say it. Acknowledge it.
Blaming your partner will only make things harder for them. They didn’t wake up expecting the relationship to end, and now you’re telling them it’s over. That’s already a lot emotionally. Don’t make it worse by shifting all the blame onto them.
Exonerating yourself completely doesn’t make you look good. It makes it seem like you think you’re perfect, and nobody is. Take responsibility for your actions, your role, and your decision. That will make it easier for them to move on.
4. Don’t Compensate the Breakup With Friendship
Just because you want to be friends doesn’t mean they do. Don’t say, “I don’t want to be with you anymore, but we can still be friends.” That’s you trying to compensate, and it’s not fair. Let them process the breakup fully. If they later decide they want to be friends with you, let that be their decision.
Offering friendship immediately can be manipulative. They might agree because they’re hurt and don’t want to lose you completely, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Being good partners doesn’t automatically make you good friends.
Let it happen naturally. If a friendship is meant to be, it will develop organically. Don’t force it. Walk away quietly and let them decide whether they want you in their life as a friend. If they don’t, that’s okay too.
5. Answer Their Questions Honestly and Kindly
They’ll likely have many questions, and they need answers. Don’t make things harder by shutting them out. Answer honestly. It’s the least you can do. Those answers will give them closure. They might want to know why you’re leaving or whether they weren’t good enough. Don’t avoid these questions.
Some answers might be difficult, but it’s better to answer once and allow them to move on than to leave them guessing. Be honest, but be kind. Don’t use honesty as an excuse to be cruel. Say the truth in a gentle way.
Those answers will help them heal faster. Without them, the journey to getting over you might take much longer.
Breakups don’t have to be hard. If we’re a little kinder, people move on faster and better. You once felt something for this person, so try to be decent when ending things. Despite how you feel about your partner now, remember that you once loved them. Let that love show now, regardless. That way, there would be no need to seek closure.