Imagine being with someone genuinely, loving them with all your heart, only to realize they were using you. That can be deeply disappointing. Nobody likes being used in a relationship. You want something mutually beneficial, where you’re both bringing something to the table.
The moment you realize you’re being used, your world crashes. But it’s better for your world to crash now so you can pick yourself up than to let them keep using you.
Here are signs that your so-called partner is only using you.
1. They Show No Interest in Your Personal Life
Dating someone means sharing your life with them. You’re two different individuals, but you’re coming together to do life together, at least for that period. Naturally, you want them to be interested in you and what you do.
That’s not the case when you’re dating someone who’s using you. Everything is about them. They go on and on about their life, what they’re up to, and what they intend to do, and they expect you to listen. They give you no opportunity to talk about yourself.
Even when you begin to share what’s happening in your life, they cut you short. They’re not interested. They don’t care. They don’t ask follow-up questions, and they don’t remember anything you tell them. It feels like whatever you say goes in one ear and out the other.
They expect you to show interest in their life while showing none in yours. If you feel your partner isn’t invested in you, isn’t giving you attention, and doesn’t care about what’s happening in your life, it’s because they’re using you.
When you truly love someone, you naturally want to know what’s going on in their life. If you feel unseen and unheard, your feelings are valid. If they truly loved you, they’d be paying attention to what’s happening in your life.
2. They’re Nice Only When It Suits Them
You expect your partner to be nice. You’re in a relationship, and you try to be nice even when it’s inconvenient. You don’t get that in return.
They’re only nice when it suits them, when they’re gaining something. If they’re not benefiting from a situation, they’re not nice and barely acknowledge you. They dictate the tone of the relationship. If they’re happy, everything is fine. If they’re not, nobody gets to be happy.
That’s not healthy. In a relationship, both partners should make an effort to make each other happy. Your partner only comes alive when they’re getting something. If they’re not gaining anything, they see no reason to be nice.
Both partners should have equal power and be treated with respect. Sometimes, things won’t be convenient, but love requires effort and commitment.
Don’t tie your happiness to someone else’s mood. Call them out and let them know how you feel. If they’re not willing to change or do better, they don’t want to stop using you.
You deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you, not someone who’s there only for what they’re getting out of it.
3. You’re the Only One Driving the Relationship
A relationship requires both people to put in the work. The best relationships have both parties pushing together. If you’re the only one putting in effort just to keep the relationship afloat, you’re being used. If you don’t text them, they don’t text you. If you don’t call, they don’t call. If you don’t check in, they don’t check in.
Ask yourself what happens if you stop trying. The relationship dies. That means they’re not with you because they want to be. They’re there for selfish reasons. If you’re breaking your back to sustain the relationship, you’re doing it alone. If they loved you and wanted you in their life, they’d put in the work too, because they wouldn’t want to lose you.
Preserve your dignity and self-respect. Take a step back. If they want to be with you, they should show it. Stop doing all the work. There’s no joy in carrying a relationship alone.
4. They’re Always Asking You for Favors
There’s nothing wrong with partners asking each other for favors. You’re a team, and team members help each other. It becomes a problem when your partner is always asking you for favors but isn’t willing to do anything for you. They feel entitled to your effort, yet when you ask for something, they give you endless excuses. They make you feel like you’re disturbing them.
You keep giving, and they keep taking. Over time, you’ll burn out. If they’re constantly asking you to do things for them but don’t return the favors, there’s a high chance they’re using you.
If you confront them and they’re not willing to change, they won’t stop. People don’t stop what benefits them. It’s up to you to take a stand.
5. You Feel Uneasy Around Them
A relationship should feel easy. You should feel alive, excited, and happy when you’re with your partner. Spending time together should be one of the highlights of your day.
If you feel uneasy, sad, or drained around them, something isn’t right. Ask yourself why. Are they matching your energy? Are they treating you the way a partner should?
If they were, you wouldn’t feel this way. That uneasiness often turns into resentment because, deep down, you know you’re being used.
You deserve to feel loved, valued, and cared for. There are people out there who’ll see your worth and match your energy. You don’t have to stay with someone who treats you poorly.
6. They Get Unnecessarily Defensive
When you try to call them out calmly, they get defensive rather than listen. They act like you’re attacking them, even when you’re not.
If they weren’t using you, they’d listen and try to do better. Defensiveness stems from knowing they’re doing something wrong and not wanting to be exposed.
They’re benefiting from the relationship and don’t want to lose that. That’s why they react aggressively when you speak up. You have the right to choose how you’re treated. Respect is reciprocal. If you’re putting in effort, it’s only fair that they do the same.
Users don’t like being used themselves. The moment you stop allowing it, they turn the blame on you. You’re not the problem.
If the signs discussed here align with what you’re experiencing, then yes, your partner is using you. You deserve a healthy, balanced relationship, not a one-sided one.