You might want your man to propose if you’re interested in getting married. As beautiful as that might be, you don’t want to accept his proposal without due diligence. It’s not about going out of your way to do detective work, but about asking him simple questions. This will help you get a sense of the kind of husband he will be in a marriage. It’s important that you have a complete view of where he stands in marriage, especially if you will spend the rest of your life with him.
Here are some key questions to ask him before saying yes.
1. Are We Going to Have Children, and If Yes, How Many?
It sounds like a basic question, a no-brainer. When people get married, they’re expected to have kids, right? But it might surprise you that not everyone is interested in having kids. Some people want to get married for companionship and other reasons, not necessarily because they want to have kids.
You need to ask him this question before you say yes, especially when you start observing the signs that he's about to propose to you. You don’t want to accept his proposal only to find out he doesn’t want kids while you do. That will cause conflict because you want different things. Even if he wants to have kids, how many does he want? You need to know the number because he might want just one child, while you might want many. I’m just kidding, but if that’s what you want, it’s what you want.
It’s important that both of you agree on these points. It’s also possible that you don’t want to have children. You need to let him know so neither of you ends up stuck with the other after saying “I do.”
2. How Important Is Religion to You?
Some people are very serious about their religion. They follow doctrines to the letter and want to do everything by the book. They can’t go a day without praying or going to church.
You need to know whether your man is that kind of person, especially if you’re not. You may not be religious, but he may want his partner to be as well. You need to understand his religious beliefs and values. How important is religion to him? How far does he want to go? How seriously does he take it?
If you get married and realize you’re not on the same page about religion, it will cause a lot of friction in your marriage. Before you accept his proposal, ask him this question to understand what you’re getting into. If it’s something you can handle, great. If it’s not, at least you have the chance to say no.
3. How Do You Manage Money?
Money is very important in every relationship, especially in marriage. You want to know what kind of person he is when it comes to finances. How does he handle money? Is he a big spender or someone who likes to save?
You might not be big on saving. You might be the kind of person who spends heavily whenever you have money. If he’s someone who likes to save, you’re likely to have friction. When money comes in, one of you might want to spend it while the other wants to save it. That can lead to frequent arguments.
It’s important to understand how he manages money and whether that aligns with how you do. If it does, great. If it doesn’t, what’s the way forward? Are both of you willing to compromise and find common ground? If not, you still have time to say no. You’re probably better off with someone who shares your money values.
4. Do You Prefer Interdependency or Codependency?
This might seem like a funny question, but it’s very important. Some people are wired to be codependent, while others are wired to be interdependent.
If you’re opposites, there might be a problem. If he’s codependent and wants to do everything with you, be involved in everything you do, and know all your friends, and you’re not that kind of person, there could be tension. You might want your own life, your own friends, and time to do things on your own.
If he wants to be together all the time and you’re not up for that, he might feel like you’re not happy being with him. That’s why you need to ask this question. It’s okay for both of you to be different, but you need to identify where you stand and whether you’re willing to work on it.
Having this conversation can save you a lot of trouble, rather than saying yes, getting married, and later realizing that you both want to live very different lives.
5. How Important Is Sexual Intimacy to You?
Sexual intimacy is high on the list of must-haves in marriage. Before you consider getting married, you need to know where he stands. Does he have a high libido? Does he always want intimacy?
You need to know this because what he wants may not align with what you want. You might sometimes want space, while he might want closeness all the time. Sexual compatibility matters. If you’re not compatible, it’s going to be a big problem.
One of the biggest issues couples face is sexual incompatibility. Knowing where your partner stands gives you a clearer picture of what you’re getting into and whether compromises are possible. If you are both compatible, you can have him propose to you within 3 months, if you want.
Marriage is a serious union and a long journey. Accepting a proposal out of excitement without considering the dynamics of your life together isn’t wise. You need to know whether he wants children and how many, how important religion is to him, how he manages money, whether he’s interdependent or codependent, and how much value he places on sexual intimacy.
Watch the YouTube video on 5 Questions to Ask Him Before You Say Yes to His Marriage Proposal