And then you cheated. You cannot deny that while you were at it, it was pleasurable; you enjoyed it. But after the deed, maybe immediately after, you came back to your senses and realized the many things wrong with what you have done. You have committed a crime, not just against yourself, but also against the one you love, the one who loves you too, probably more. Regret has set in. You feel remorse. You feel bad as showers of guilt drench you to the sores of your skin; you‘ve hurt the one you love. Now you have cheated. You never planned to, but it happened, maybe too fast. You’d pretend like nothing happened and go on with your relationship if you could, but you can’t. You feel this strong emotion to let your partner know about it, to confess to them that you have cheated on them. The feeling is too strong to ignore, it probably feels stronger than the desire to do what you did. Granted, coming out clean isn’t easy, it isn’t at all. Here are some tips to make it less difficult.
1. Understand that you are doing the right thing
There’s the tendency for you to question the sense in what you have decided to do; it could ruin your relationship, one which you’ve grown and nurtured like a baby for many years. If your partner finds out that you have been unfaithful to them while dating or even married, things could be shattered, there could be a break-up. But then, if you kept quiet, you’d be living a lie, unhappy. You two would be living an illusion of a happy couple while in the real sense, you are far from living happy lives.
2. Decide to never do it again
Do you want to confess because you feel guilty or remorse? You might be out for this for selfish reasons, to ease your guilt and to make yourself feel better, not truly because you feel remorse and have made a resolution not to do it again. Even if your lover forgives you, what is the guaranty that you won’t do it again? You need to be honest with yourself and decide that this won’t happen again, otherwise, asking for forgiveness is just a waste of time because you’ll do it again and you can’t be forgiven too many times.
3. Choose the right place
Cheating is a big deal. It isn’t something you can just tell your partner about, just like that. You need to ensure that the news doesn’t hit them harder than it should, by considering their safety. If you don’t live together and they have to drive back to their own apartment, don’t tell them about it in your house, do it in their own house or close to it. That way, they don’t have to struggle between going digesting your news and going all the way home.
4. Use the right words
Yes, you’ve cheated, and confessing to the one you claim to love doesn’t change a thing about it, but words are powerful, the manner in which you convey it, matters a lot. Don’t just pour it out like that, without checking. Every word you’ll say, counts. Your partner will have their eyes wide open, to detect from the tone of your voice, if you cheated on them, willingly, enjoyed it, or truly sorry about it.
Speak from your heart. Feel every word you say, so they can feel it too. Use the words “I feel,” it tells how you feel inside. Be gentle and affectionate. Take the blame for every bit of it, don’t try to blame someone else for pushing you to it.
5. Don’t lie
While you are at it, ensure that you are 100% truthful because lying or omitting details could make things worse. Say things the way they happened. You’ve decided to come out clean already, so just come all out. Your partner might want to know why you cheated on them, is you claimed to truly love them before. Don’t lie, again, tell them why you did it. knowing what went wrong could help you fix it.
While you have done the right thing by confessing your cheating ways, you don’t expect your partner to give you a big hug and a pat on the back. You just dropped a bomb on them, they need sometimes to heal. They may hate you, despise and never want to see you again, it’s normal. Give them time to heal, to analyze your relationship and see what it holds. Cheating hurts deeply. If you were in their shoes, you’d probably hurt more. Once might be a mistake, but a second time is a habit. It’s up to you, to decide what it’d be.
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Relationship