Hollywood Actress, Zoe Saldana, almost broke the internet, when she revealed, in an interview, that her husband, Marco Perego, chose to take her last name even after she tried to talk him out of it. According to her, he’s in love with her and sees no big deal in a man taking his wife’s last name. He couldn’t care less about what anyone had to say on the matter.
While it was a welcomed development to feminists, most people, including women, weren’t comfortable with that revelation. In their eyes, it had all shades of wrong. Really, you can’t blame anyone who raises eyebrows over such, because right from the beginning, it has been the woman who takes the man’s name after marriage, not the other way round.
What’s a name? According to Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, a name is a word or words that someone or something is known by. In order words, it’s a means of identity.
In most cultures, a woman leaves her birth family and becomes a full member of her husband’s family in marriage. She becomes one with her husband, and his identity, legacy, and heritage become hers. A man on the other hand, stays in the family. Even after marriage, he continues to carry on the legacy of his birth family. Come rain, come shine, he’s going nowhere.
Research shows that men who adopt their wives’ last name, usually don’t or didn't have good relationships with their fathers. It’s either their father wasn’t present in their life as kids or didn’t play his fatherly roles, thus, making them feel reluctant to associate with him. So, changing their last name and sticking to that of their wife, is no big deal but good riddance.
Some men do it due to a lack of financial control. When a woman makes more money than a man and is in control of the family’s finances, he might, out of loyalty and acceptance of his “incapability,” take the woman’s last name. And this isn’t a good thing. Sooner or later, such men may begin to suffer low self-esteem because of their bruised ego. With more women leaving the “sit-at-home” Mom club and going out to earn a living, sometimes their paycheck bigger than that of men, this new ideology might increase.
While we are agitating for equality for both men and women and questioning social norms, we should be careful not to turn things totally upside down. It might have worked for Zoe Saldana and her husband, but that shouldn’t be a standard for all couples.
It might be just a name, but asking a man to give up his last name for that of his wife, is too much to ask for. When a man takes his wife’s last name, he stands a chance of losing his identity, and that could take away his “manhood” which women love in men.