You're probably wondering if you're dating a narcissist. Your concern is valid because dating a narcissist can be very tricky. One minute, they are sweet, and the next minute, they are something else. They are almost unrecognizable. You begin to wonder who this person is and what is happening to them.
Here are signs that your man or woman is narcissistic.
1. They are not as charming as they used to be
To a narcissist, everything is a conquest. When they meet you, they go all out to impress you. They literally love-bomb you. They do all the nice, sweet things to win you over. They go the extra mile to ensure that you find them attractive. It's like they do almost too much. They go overboard. With them, there are no limits.
But here's the thing: the minute you fall for them and get into a relationship with them, they flip the switch. They become a totally different person, and you can't even recognize them. So all that initial sweetness was just to get a special place in your heart. And now that they have it, they reveal their true selves. They become who they really are and begin to exhibit all these not-nice behaviors.
If your partner used to be the sweet, loving person who literally swept you off your feet, and now it's almost as though they are the opposite of what they used to be, it means something is wrong. Human beings change, but the changes aren't always drastic.
If he or she were the sweetest person in the world and is no longer so lovely, they're making things difficult for you; it is probably because they have narcissistic tendencies, and you have to be very careful with such people.
A narcissist would go the extra mile just to win your heart, and once they have it, they do everything to frustrate you. It's almost as if they're trying to pay you back for putting them through so much pressure just to impress you in the first place. Somewhere in their heads, they think that now that they have you, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't leave. You can't go anywhere. It feels as though you're in bondage, but the ball is in your court to prove them wrong because, at the end of the day, you can do whatever you want.
2. They always want to be the center of attention
They always want to be the center of attention. There's nothing wrong with wanting a little attention. We're human beings, and we crave attention. But with a narcissist, it's overboard. They always want to be the one talking and the subject of the discussion. When you meet a narcissist, the first thing they do is tell you how awesome and great they are, and why you should be glad you're speaking to them.
While that's okay, there comes a time when you want to step back and let others shine. You want to let them do the talking and listen to them, too. But the narcissist doesn't do that. They want to keep talking. They want you to know about everything happening in their lives. But you also have your own life, and you want to share those details, too.
Getting them to listen, however, is a problem because the minute you start talking about yourself, they either zone out or interrupt you. They have no interest whatsoever in what's happening with you.
Here's a little exercise: tell your partner something about yourself and watch them closely. If they don't ask follow-up questions, they are not listening. Someone who is paying attention will naturally ask questions, reference the conversation later, and ask for updates. A narcissist doesn't do that.
They want to be in the limelight at all times. If someone else gets in the limelight, it's a problem. They can't stand it. It's always about them. If your lover is always looking for attention, excited when they are at the center of attention, and unhappy when someone else gets it, there's a strong chance they are a narcissist.
They have an issue with other people shining, but life is turn-by-turn. No one shines all the time. A narcissist goes ballistic when they're not the center of attention, and you will take all the emotional blows.
3. They lack empathy
The only emotion a narcissist understands is their own. If something isn't happening to them, they don't care. They don't try to understand what you're going through or put themselves in your shoes. They show no concern for whether you're okay. You're going through a hard time, and all they want to talk about is themselves.
If the tables were turned, you would be there for them, show empathy, and want to make them feel better. But when it's happening to you, they don't even try. They make it seem like you're the problem for expecting support. If your partner shows no empathy when you're struggling or going through a difficult time, that's a strong clue that they are most likely a narcissist.
4. They are abusive
A narcissist can be physically and emotionally abusive. It often starts with subtle, hard-to-detect signs. When you let it slide, they escalate. They manipulate, demean, and emotionally drain you.
If your relationship feels toxic because of what they say or do, you need to take action. Abuse thrives when the other person stays quiet. People will only treat you the way you allow them to. A narcissist will use your vulnerabilities and weaknesses against you. Enough is enough when you say so.
5. They gaslight you
The fifth sign is gaslighting. A narcissist is always right and never wrong. When you try to correct them, they attack you. They deny saying or doing things, making you feel like you're going crazy. They do this intentionally, and over time, you begin to question your sanity. Gaslighting is serious and unhealthy.
6. They are two-faced
They are two-faced. In public, they appear perfect and admirable. Behind closed doors, they become the opposite. They talk down to you and mistreat you. People around you won't understand because they only see the public version. That is a major red flag.
7. They isolate you from others
They complain about your friends and family and accuse you of not giving them enough attention. They demand all your focus and gradually push others out of your life. They isolate you so no one can step in or help. This behavior is deliberate and dangerous.
If your partner exhibits most of these signs in your relationship, they are likely a narcissist. A narcissist never takes responsibility for their actions and always blames someone else. It's up to you to stand up for yourself and do right by you.