Today is Sunday and I’m in the mood to preach. Did I hear someone say “ride on Pastor?” Oh yes, I will! All I can think of right now is forgiveness and learning how to forgive. If there’s anyone who has never been hurt or hurt someone since the day they were born, could you please indicate in the comment section? I doubt if such a person exists because for as long as one has breath in them, they are likely to either be in the giving or receiving end of hurt.
Most times, when we hurt someone, we don’t really feel the magnitude of our actions, but when it’s done to us, it penetrates deeply into our soul and weakens our bones. The hurt, anger, and other indescribable feelings, leave us not wanting to have anything to do with the offender. We make up our minds that they are ‘the enemy,’ and put up a defense in our relations with them, if cutting them off, totally, isn’t possible.
Like everyone else, I’ve been hurt, and quite frankly, it did hurt the most, when the offender, was someone close to me - either a relation or friend. I wondered why such a person, who was supposed to be there for me, protect me and care for me, could cause me pain. I felt not just hurt but betrayed. And that betrayal made me hurt even more.
Learning to forgive someone is even more difficult when you cannot get past their betrayal. You have a thousand and one reasons to hold a grudge. But as time passed by, I realized that having people who hurt me in mind, felt like carrying a heavy load on my chest. Whenever I remembered what they did to me, I felt negative energy around me, and though I was still hurt, I realized that that energy I felt towards them, wasn’t good for my wellbeing. It felt like I had a rope tied to my neck, and was being pulled back while trying to walk forward. And then it hit me that I wouldn’t be doing them a favour by forgiving me, instead, I’d be doing myself a great favour by letting go. The moment I chose to let go, I felt so relieved and renewed. At last, the heavy load was taken off and the burden was no more.
As Christians, the Bible urges us to forgive our neighbours, just as God forgives us. But from experience, I’ve learnt that forgiving people who hurt us, is beyond a religious obligation – it’s for our own good. When we let go, the negative energy that comes with unforgiveness is flushed away and we regain our peace of mind.
To learn the act of forgiveness, we need to stop seeing it as a favour done to the people who have wronged us, and start seeing it as us doing ourselves a great favour. Would you want to hurt yourself? So why hold onto something that causes so much damage to you? Unforgiveness inflicts more pain on us. We think it’s in our best interest, but that’s not true. If we truly cared about ourselves, we would learn to forgive people even before they hurt us because holding grudges against them, is a disservice to ourselves.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you should give them the opportunity to hurt you again. Let it go, but learn from the experience. Don’t allow whatever happened to repeat itself. If you need to distance yourself from them, please do, but let it be clear that you have nothing against them anymore, and relate with them on a new slate.
So, who’s that person that you have in mind and haven’t been able to forgive? Now is the time for you to set yourself free by forgiving them and moving on with your life. Like my Nigerian people would say, na who unforgiveness don help? It simply means, who has unforgiveness helped? Nobody!
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